A Different Kind of Flame

Attention, neurodivergence, and the fire inside us.

When people think about attention, they often imagine it as a steady, reliable flame. It’s the comforting glow of a candle burning gently on a desk, illuminating whatever task is in front of it. It flickers occasionally, but for most neurotypical people, it stays more or less in place. They’re taught that focus should be linear, disciplined, and consistent.

For those of us who are ADHD, autistic, or both, our attention is nothing like that small, steady candle. Our flame is wilder, more unpredictable. More bonfire than birthday candle. And yet, so often we’re told that our flame is faulty, that our minds need taming, that we must learn to focus “the right way.” But what if our flame isn’t broken at all? What if it’s just misunderstood?

A Flame That Wanders

Growing up with ADHD (and not knowing it), I remember so many moments when teachers or parents accused me of not paying attention. “You’re smart, but you don’t pay attention!”

What they didn’t see was that my attention wasn’t absent; it was burning somewhere else entirely.

A candle lights up one corner of a room. A bonfire can light up a whole forest. Our attention works the same way. One moment, we’re staring blankly at a page, unable to read a sentence. Next, we’re deep in a rabbit hole about the mating rituals of seahorses or the entire history of medieval armour design.

When the spark catches, it roars. This is hyperfocus, a word so many neurodivergent people know intimately. It’s the thrill of the flame when it finds fuel. But because we can’t always direct it on command, people assume we’re lazy, disorganized, or careless.

Different Kinds of Fires Serve Different Purposes

There’s an old saying that a watched pot never boils. For us, a forced flame never burns. The more we try to confine our focus into a tidy, acceptable box, the more it resists. And yet, when given space and the right kindling, our flame can do incredible things.

Think of the wildfire that clears a forest floor so new life can grow. Or the campfire that draws people together to share stories deep into the night. Or the spark that leaps from one idea to another, igniting creativity that others can’t even fathom.

Our minds are built to spark connections that others might never make. What looks like a distraction is often deep pattern recognition, a kaleidoscope of ideas clicking together in ways that linear focus can’t replicate.

How to Tend a Neurodivergent Flame

If you live with ADHD or autism, you’ve probably tried more than once to wrestle your flame into something more “normal.” You may have beaten yourself up when it didn’t work. But what if you tended your flame instead?

For me, this means leaning into the natural ways my attention works. I’ve stopped fighting my hyperfocus. Instead, I plan for it. I let myself go deep when I feel the pull, and I build my day around that intensity. I know I can’t control when the spark will catch, but I can make space for it to burn when it does.

It also means respecting when the flame dims. Burnout, literal and metaphorical, is real for neurodivergent people. Our brains are often running hotter than others. Rest isn’t optional; it’s fuel.

Changing the Narrative

The language we use about attention matters. When we talk about “broken” focus, we’re shaming ourselves for being wired differently. But the difference is not damage.

Imagine what it would mean if teachers, employers, and families understood this. Instead of punishing us for not sitting still at our desks, they’d find ways to give us the right kindling (passion, curiosity, novelty) to feed our flame. They’d understand that our minds don’t thrive in tight boxes. We need space to roam and spark.

Keep the Fire

When I was younger, I wished my flame would behave. Now, I know it was never meant to. I’ve built a life where I can let it burn as it needs to. It’s still not easy. But I’ve stopped trying to be a candle.

If your attention works like mine, remember this: you’re not broken. Your flame is simply different, a spark that wanders, leaps, flickers, and flares. Learn how it moves, honour it, and tend it well.

In the end, a steady flame may light up a desk. But a wild one? It can light up the world.

Feel free to share it with someone who needs to hear this today.

© JJ Thompson