The Afterlife

God Martin, don’t you see? This gives me the edge I’ve wanted all our marriage. You can’t do a thing. You can wisp out like a tendril of ineffectual smoke, or you can choose to sit…or hover, as the case may be….and listen to me for a change.

Darling, you have no idea how much I’ve listened over the years. With the way you tend to drone on and on, one can’t help but hear it. I’m surprised my head didn’t explode years ago.


Yes, my love. You can spin words faster than the politicians du jour. Too bad no one ever told you you talk too much. I realize I have nothing to lose now by being totally honest. We might have had a better marriage if I’d been more honest when I was alive.

Well thanks for telling me now Martin. At least I know what to correct about myself now that I’m single and DATING again.

Well, yes. About that dating thing….

What.? Do you have a problem with my dating now that you’re dead? I’m free to see who I like. Having you here to tie up lose ends with, helps me move on, darling. I’m ready to hit the bars!

What are you going to do during sex?

Why, what are you talking about….what about having sex??

Well, seems I’m doomed to stick by your side for a while. You never liked it when others watched….aren’t you going to have performance anxiety with me there?

I’ll put on the nines for you Darling. I’ll make it a good show. Knowing you can’t get any pleasure in the flesh is going to tickle me to no end. You were THE most annoying lover …

Oh of course, attack my manhood now that it’s a fine grey mist. Yes, just like you Harriet. Just like you to pull out all the stops and hit below the belt first off.

What do you expect, telling me I talk too much?!

Yes well, sometimes it’s hard to tell someone you love that they have a fault. Even though they know they have faults…having a lover point them out, hurts doubly.

Yes, you’re right. It can hurt so much more.

I do love you Harriet. I’m broken about this situation. What the hell am I doing hanging around you like this?

Perhaps we have unfinished business, Martin. I don’t know. I’m as stumped as you. I do wish we could have liked each other more. We loved, but weren’t too fond of each other. I wouldn’t have chosen you as a friend, that’s for sure.

Listen you hurtful old biddy; you wouldn’t have had the chance anyway. Women like you were playthings to me.

Yes, with nearly thirty years of marriage under your kilt, you had playthings? Ha! What young plaything would have looked past the belly and balding head??

Oh yes, go for the jugular again…so typical with you Harriet.

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